Don't Cry Alone in the Bathroom

April 19, 1995 - This was the first time in my few short years when I realized evil was real. It wasn't reserved for storybook characters or fantasy lands. It existed in my world, and it was no respecter of persons.

A newspaper with this image on the front page lay on the counter top. I vividly remember the profound hurt and confusion that weighed on my heart as I tucked it under my arm and crept away. Hiding in my bathroom, tears fell onto the page as I studied this poor baby being cradled by the man who wanted so desperately to save her, and I agonized over how another human being could be so heartless while the other would give his life for another. I never told anyone about that day, but it changed my life forever.

September 11, 2001 -  Freshman year of college. Once again, I found myself in my bathroom. As I switched on my radio, it wasn't my favorite songs coming from the speakers. Instead, it was the somber voice of the host, solemnly announcing that a plane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers in New York City. As I stood in front of the mirror, the realization that it had been deliberate hadn't struck me. I just thought it was a terrible accident.

As I drove to class, the man on the radio continued his horrific tale of the growing panic and chaos happening. And then I heard it: the second tower has been struck. My heart hit my stomach. It wasn't an accident. We were being attacked.

At 18 years old, I didn't know what to do. I sat in the parking lot, my fingers aching around the steering wheel, and swallowed back the pain and confusion that too closely mimicked a memory I kept close to hear. Finally, I gathered myself, climbed from my truck, and made my way to class.

A handful of students sat at their desks, each face showing the same darkness I felt rumbling inside my own chest. I took my seat as my classmates talked back and forth, the radio in the corner continuing with the never-ending tragedy as it unfolded. Both towers had been struck and now the Pentagon. Military and law enforcement were scrambling. It was a nightmare that wouldn't end.

After what felt like hours, the professor walked in and quietly told us to go home and be with our families. The drive back was painfully quiet. I couldn't take hearing anymore. I didn't expect anyone to be awake as I unlocked the deadbolt, but as I opened my front door, I found my dad, sitting in our dark family room, tears streaming down his face as he watched clip after clip of the people leaping from the windows to escape the raging inferno. As the second tower collapsed, I couldn't keep it in anymore. He wrapped his arm around me, and we just sat in silence, watching as the shape of our nation irrevocably altered.

While I will forever keep these moments in my heart, the one thing that I took away from the tragedy that also redefined me, was the love and humanity that brought America together. Even if it was only for awhile, people were a little kinder, a little more patient, and showed a lot more love.

Like funerals, it always seems to take a tragedy to bring people together. And while that's a terrible shame, I always cling to that for as long as hard as I can. Because if there's one thing I've learned, even like the fairy tales, love always wins. 

Don't let the current chaos of the world allow darkness to set up in your heart. Don't cry alone in the bathroom and wonder why evil things happen or allow yourself to get lost in the darkness that seems to surround you. There are so many more beautiful things out there than the ugliness of hatred and division.

Love each other. Do good to one another. There's enough evil out there, lurking in the shadows, and waiting till we're weak from fighting each other to attack us once more. Don't give it the chance. Love without reason.

Be the goodness of mankind.

Lift As You Climb - You Won't Climb Alone.

I love success stories. I especially love success stories that involve people who've overcome tremendous struggles to achieve their goals. In the past few years, I've witnessed fellow authors grow to New York Time bestseller levels and sign movie/TV deals. I've seen many commit to leading their lives in a more health-conscious way, losing 50+ pounds or giving up sugar after years of being a slave to the sweet dictator. Many of my friends have grown spiritually and emotionally, courageously severing ties to toxic people and situations and bravely choosing to step outside their comfort zones in order to find themselves. A few have even gotten to a place of being debt free. And I commend you all.

In the words of E.E. Cummings, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are." You should celebrate your accomplishments! BUT remember your past, where you came from, because you can't help someone up if you're standing over them ... or constantly reveling in your own success.

Thankfully, most of my friends who've overcome their obstacles or who've grown beyond their dreams have used their journey to inspire others. They take opportunities to shine from a place of humble success. There are those on the other side, as well, which is unfortunate considering how far they come to really only celebrate alone. Because how can you help someone grow when you're always focused on your own awesomeness?

As the beautifully-inspiring founder of Utopia Con, Janet Wallace, says, "Lift as you climb." Remember this life isn't about how much you can achieve for yourself. It's how you can use your own life lessons to help others reach their dreams, which in turn, will help you! Nothing motivates you quite like seeing how your own growth/struggles/achievements inspires others. If YOU (vs your process, method, lessons-learned, etc.) are the focus of your "inspirational/motivational" movement, consider why you're telling people what you are. Is it to make yourself feel good about what you've done? Or are you actually showing someone, "Hey, this is what worked for me. It might help someone else."

Humility truly is the most attractive thing you can wear.

A New Year - A New Name

Several years ago, my wonderful friend and personal Yoda, Elizabeth Isaacs, introduced me to her New Year's tradition. Anyone who knows me, realizes how much I truly loathe New Year's resolutions. Most of the time, it's a poor excuse for good intentions, and more often that not, you don't fulfill them, and you wind up feeling like a failure. This reaction often leads to you reverting back to old habits with a vengeance.

Back to my point, Beth told me her tradition was to name her new year based on what she hoped to accomplish in those 12 months. Be it personal growth, emotional development, getting your finances straightened out, or choosing a healthier lifestyle, her method meant your upcoming 365 had purpose. By naming it, it'd become more than a 'hope so,' and shifted into an actionable goal. Just like a baby or a pet, when it has a name, it feels more real, tangible. And you connect with it.

I began doing this back in 2015 when my year was titled: The Year of Self-Discovery. I spent the majority of my 30+ years on this planet doing what was expected of me vs being true to myself. It goes without saying, 2015 was a mess in more ways than one. Life kind of fell apart that year, because I'd decided "good enough" wasn't good enough anymore. Understandably, 2016 needed some help.

The following year was named: The Year of Personal Development. I spent 12 months putting my life back together. It started with replacing all the bad I'd weeded out with good things. I lost 60 pounds. I refocused my attention on bettering my situation and state of mind, so I could be a better mom to my kiddos. I tried new things, new jobs, new experiences. I read a lot of non-fiction aimed toward enhancing life and overcoming the garbage from the past. I grew ... and grew. In fact, I grew more in 2015-2016 than I had my entire life leading up it. A lot of is was painful, like quitting a bad habit and having discomfort of missing your 'go-to' fix. I chose the harder road, but what was waiting at the end made that harrowing trip worth every moment.

Now, we're mere weeks away from 2017. I know last year was pretty rough on many. So I encourage you to take a day or week to decide what happened in the last 12 months that you'd like to see different in the future. What would bless you most to have, do, or accomplish? What really gets your heart beating fast when you see it in your life? You'll know it when you find it. But give it a name!